Follow Faith

If you have followed this blog for a good amount of time then you know that my family and I have been through some tough seasons. We all know that life in itself throws some curve balls and has some rocky roads. So, when these things happen how do we respond?

For instance, when we got pregnant with my daughter we had no idea that we would soon face a very difficult time putting her into the hands of a surgeon to repair her heart defect. We also had no idea that shortly after her surgery we would lose three jobs between the two of us. We could not have guessed that between surgery, job losses, and miscarriages we would end up forfeiting our home and moving into complete and utter chaos.

See, I find that you can have faith for the moment. You can push through one horrific event with enough faith to surpass it. You might even find enough faith to make it through a couple of struggles. But when you have exprienced one unfortunate circumstance after another for, oh say, four years how much faith is there for you to pick from?

My faith has certainly been tattered in years past. However, just when I think my faith-tank is on empty I am able to muster up enough to make it through the trial I am facing. You see, faith comes from the experiences we face in life. Without trails, we wouldn't need faith. Without faith, we wouldn't reach God's full potential for us. Our faith stretches us to new places. We were never called to make sense of this life but to trust the Creator of this life.

I wouldn't trade the stuff in my life that has led me to rely completely on my God. I wouldn't change the experiences for anything in this world. For my treasures are not of this world but of the eternal that awaits me. God never promised it'd be easy but it will surely be worth it. My faith may be fragile but it will get me where God wants me.

And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek Him. Hebrews 11:6 NLT

It is All About Obedience

On my way home from work today I read a church sign that said, "Do you obey God". My initial answer was, yes. Then I started thinking back to when I was a younger Christian and what I thought obeying God meant. I always thought that to obey God all you had to do was obey the Ten Commandments or the any of the "rules" that were in the Bible. Don't kill, sure. Don't steal, ok. Don't commit adultery, got it. However, now, as I've grown in Him I realize that I was way off base then.

Ten minutes ago I was sitting up on the couch watching the NFL draft with my husband and my son. I felt an impression on my heart to come down and write. My reaction to that was, about what? So, in my delay and resistance it left me (<felt
heard it again but this time it included, "I'll guide you". So, reluctantly (even still) I found myself here--writing.
I have no subject. I have no real thoughts to write. I am still not real sure where this is going! But that is obeying. I don't have to see the big picture because God does. The Ten Commandments didn't tell me to write. But God did. Obedience looks different to each of us because He doesn't tell me to do what He tells you to do. He doesn't tell me to do what He tells my own husband to do. Boy, that is a hard thing to work out, trust me!! Until I truly knew God and listened for Him I never heard Him. After seeking His will and His heart, now I hear Him. And now I can truly obey Him and His desires for me.

"I will keep on obeying your instructions for and ever." Psalm 119:44 (NLT)

Five Things

I refuse to let this blog go another day without a post!! I will not let a whole year pass without writing something, anything! For the sake of no creativity or recent pictures on my computer to post this is the best I could do for the time being.

Top Five Things you Should Know About the Last Year...
1. We have moved. Twice. We are currently embracing vintage living. Our house was built around 1930. My bathroom (the only one we have) was not even original on this house. My washer and dryer are my counter tops in my kitchen. I can tell you are all jealous! But really, it works. We make it work. I love my front porch and the sunsets over the corn fields!!

2. Presley is at a new school that has a swimming pool. She absolutely loves swimming every day and I love that she might be out of floaties by this summer. Her teachers are great and treat her like family. She is still on the small side but as far as health concerns there are none at this time.

3. Triston will be 12 in just a month. I am trying to wrap my thoughts around the fact that he will be a teenager in a year. He is all wrapped up in baseball season and looking forward to trying out for the basketball team at his school in a few weeks.

4. Daniel has been through 12 months of barber school, passed his boards, and is currently fading guys up at a salon here in town. He has been working for 3 months now and he so loves it. He has definitely found his niche.

5. We are serving in several areas at church. We have been from the children's ministry, to nursery age, to the youth group. We love being in the youth services on Wednesday nights. These kids are pressing in for more of God and we love seeing it! I am taking on a class on Sunday mornings full of 3 year olds. I winged it last week due to some teachers cancelling and God just filled me heart with smiles from these kiddos! It is great seeing God move at our church!

Well, that is a very generic run-down of the last 12 months. There is so much more I could share, I'm sure. But for now I will just vow to get some more post going up soon!

After His Heart

In the recent months I have been vigorously seeking to know God in a deep way. In several facet of my life He is teaching me how to hear Him, how to notice His voice above all else. My eyes have been opened to different ways of communicating with the Lord. It has made me realize that communicating with Him is not just rambling on about my needs and wants it is also carefully listening to what He wants  for me.  It is such an overwhelming feeling to be prayerfully seeking something and sit here in my chair and feel God’s arms wrapped around me. It is like he is saying to me, “I hear you and I’ve got you”!   As I grow closer and closer to Him I find myself worshipping in the oddest places, talking to Him constantly and reaching for His word all the time. So many times, the word I get from Him will come back to me in Sunday’s sermon or during a conversation with a friend.   I was driving to work last week while listening to the Christian radio station. A song came on and I started to sing. As I sang, I made that song my prayer. I told God I loved Him and asked Him to just love on me for a moment. Have you ever had that time in your car? I am still trying to figure out how to drive while raising my hands and see through my tears. Tears of overflowing joy of course! If your close to Him, if your seeking Him, you can worship Him no matter where you are. Praise God!   In our bible study Sunday morning we were speaking of the habits of a disciple. The one we learned about this past Sunday was living a Spirit-led life. Some people get scared when that word “spirit” comes up. I used to as well. I have always known there is a trinity and that the Holy Spirit is the third part of that trinity. But I never knew exactly why. I knew the purpose of the other two portions but not the spirit. I know so much more about him now and I love to experience even more. I love his presence. I will feel his presence after just sitting at work praising God for a few minutes. We can call on him and he will appear to us. How comforting. That is what the Bible says he is anyway, a comforter (John 14:16). The Holy Spirit will speak to me and he will speak through me!

It's 2012, Ba-by!!

Sinner! We took advantage of having no kids this morning and we skipped church and slept in. Probably not the best way to start a new year but I don't think God will send hell and brimstone our way for it!

However, when I woke up this morning and turn the TV on it was on Joel Osteen's program. Now, you may or may not agree with him and his ways but the message he was speaking this morning did spark some interest for me. He was speaking from Jeremiah and how he was told he would be a prophet. When told this Jeremiah responded with negativity and doubt. Here God called this man to be something and Jeremiah answered with "No, not me, I am too young." How often do we do that? God calls us to something and we just keep giving Him excuses as to why we can't do that. I have made too many mistakes or I don't know the Bible or I don't have time.
I, myself, could stand to put down my negativity and put on the spirit of Christ. Let Him lead me through what He has called for me. I should embrace each day with "blessings chasing me down" and make that my anthem for the good things God has for me and my family.

Now, I already know 2012 will bring some major change for us. And by change I mean some uncomfortable living situations, time away from my spouse, busyness of school and work and kids, financial woes, etc. But I won't let those challenges keep me from the gifts God will bring. He doesn't promise me a world of hurt but an overwhelming peace in Him. So, agree with Joel Osteen or not, God spoke through him this morning and for that I am thankful!

Sidebar...I asked Daniel this morning if he remembered what we did for New Year's in 2010. He or I neither one remember!! And I don't think it's because we were so intoxicated that we can't remember! So, I am making note right here, right now that on NYE 2011 we celebrated with some fabulous people. Our friends Jessica and Lee were gracious enough to have us and our friends Kristy and Chad over for the evening. We had lots of good food and even more laughs. Our girls are all around the same age and even though mine didn't join us at the party it was fun to watch them play. The boys watched the UFC fights and us girls talked all night. The sad part came around 11:30 when Daniel said he was tired and ready to go home! What?! Who leaves a NYE party just before the strike of midnight. Well, we did!! Happy New Year to all!!!

Satan and his lies

Sometimes I think about the place that God has us right now and I have all the wrong emotions. I will stir up jealousy, envy, doubt and so on. I have to remember that those things are lies from Satan. He tricks us oh so well. The truth is God brought us here for a reason and a purpose. Although I may feel like friendships were taken from us, that's not the case. He is only bringing us those true friendships that He has formed. I find myself very thankful for God's omnipotence. I am glad He has the answers that I don't. Most of all, I'm glad I have the faith to trust Him in all of this. I am thankful for friends near and far but I am abundantly grateful for a new found friend that God designed! And, Satan, your lies are not welcome here. I will rejoice in what I have not what I thought I had.

How Much Hope Does One Girl Need

My church had a women's event tonight. I love this time with my girls. I will admit it has been a challenge to change churches and find our place. But I have formed some friendships that I can already tell are lifelong. So, to get to spend time with some of them bonding, crying and laughing only strengthens that relationship.

Tonight our pastor's wife spoke on HOPE. I think in general people hear this word and don't put much thought into it. You hear things like, "I hope you have a good day", "I hope my daughter sleeps in tomorrow", "I hope the Vols don't suck so bad next year", etc. How often do we say it in passing everyday?

After the week I had last week hope is something I was lacking to say the least. My husband is in full force school and work mode. We are in holiday hectic-ness and things could not have gotten any more crazy...or so I thought. Monday was calm. Tuesday started the madness. My husband called me about 2 minutes after I got to work. His tire had busted on the interstate on his way to school. He went to put the spare on and there was no jack. I left work and took him a jack but the lug nut wrench would not fit his wheel. So, we left the car and he took me back to work. Then he went on trying to get the tire changed. While doing so he re-injured his back. He does this about once a year and it means several days of him being flat on his back. He could not work for three days. The worst part of that is we are so tight on money that we did not have any for him to see a doctor just for them to say wait it out and here is some pain medicine. So, when Daniel went back to work on Friday without a doctor's excuse he could not work. This only means one less day's pay for the next paycheck. Things just kept creeping up on us making the week more and more stressful!

So, tonight while listening to the message she said something that had literally crossed my lips just two days ago. She said something like, I hate to hear people say I have no hope left and I should just be used to this by now. I promise you I said that to a co worker just Friday afternoon.

I feel like this is the life I have lived since Presley was born. It has been one unexpected trial after another. A longer maternity leave due to illness, a major surgery, two job losses, a miscarriage and now school and part-time work/pay. And hope has been scarce.

How shameful of me to have no hope in circumstances as these. How terribly sad that I have experienced some trials and travelled some bumpy roads and abandoned the one thing God gives me to hold on to. To sit and listen to her say that the very words I said were so hard for her to hear was life changing.

For me to think that the things I am living each day are exclusive to me and my family is so far from the truth. And for me to think that God will leave me with no hope is a lie from Satan. God spoke truth in me tonight. He has hope for me. He has hope for my situation and I will never let go of that.

Jethro

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. Hebrews 10:24

My pastor is doing a series about relationships. He is going through characters in the Bible and explaining their role in some of the relationships they had. I am loving it!

The first one he did was Jonathan. He was a true friend. He saved a friend's life from his own father. We all have a true friend, I know I do. And after hearing that sermon I told her that I loved her for being my Jonathan.

The next one he did was Jethro. I am a Jethro to my husband that much I knew while listening to the sermon. I kick my husband's butt into gear (most of the time)!! I don't take credit for anything but being his Jethro.

However, I have had this on my mind ever since. Who is my Jethro? I can think of a lot of people that help keep me in line but one stands bolder than the others.

I can blame my dad for a lot in my life. My running insecurities, my boldness, etc. But the main thing he is to me is my Jethro. I remember after I had Presley and was adamant that I was staying home with her. Someone had to set me straight and get me on the right track. That person was my dad. I guess I know where I got my Jethro-ness!!

Jethro knew what had to be done not what he wanted done. Jethro kept all his daughters in line. He was not flattering but he blessed so many. He saw potential in Moses. I am happy that I can be a Jethro to someone but I am very appreciative to my own Jethro!

Consuming Fire

The Lord will consume Assyria's glory like a fire consumes a forest in a fruitful land; it will waste away like sick people in a plague. Isaiah 10:18

I remember a few years ago when we caught our back yard on fire. I drove past a small brush fire on my way home from work today and thought back to that day. We were burning a pile of brush too and it started small. We kept it contained where we were comfortable with it. Anytime it would get going too much we would manage it back down.

At one point we took our eyes off it for too long. Before we knew it smoke filled down our street. We looked to find it had spread immensely. The fire ran between trees and brush and filled our back woods. It got out of our control. We tried effortlessly to maintain it to no avail.

Do you ever feel that way in life? Do you feel consumed by something that you try to keep together and fail. Does something consume you that you know shouldn't? What should consume us anyway?

As I watch my husband live out this God given opportunity I see him become more and more consumed with God. The Word and prayer are spreading rapidly in his life like a wildfire. And seeing this happen in a man that was once taken over by things of this world is so absolutely amazing.

And do you know what it does for me? It excites me for our future and the plan that God is laying. But it creates a desire in me for that same fire. I wonder how many people can see that fire in him, in me. I wonder how many more people we can spread that same fire to. That is our ultimate purpose, isn't it?

Under Pressure

It is nice to be wanted and all but all this pressure to write a new blog post has got me under writer's block! I have plenty of things to write about with the busyness of my life but none of it seems blog worthy. I guess it will have to do since my dad won't leave me alone about it!!! Did any of you see him call me out on Facebook about it?! I will get him back for that!!

So, what is new around is, well, everything. As you know the hubs started school and we are currently living the adjustment period. I wonder if we will ever get adjusted. We are the couple that does most everything together. We are used to being on the same schedules and spending all of our time with each other. That isn't happening so much now. He goes to school each day and works afterwards, either in the evening or in the middle of the night. That was his choice so that he could get some quality time with the kids and I. Those nights aren't so bad except for the sleep part. He works until 1:30 a.m. then still has to get up for school the next day. The adjustment in that area has been quite difficult.

Otherwise, we tricked and treated on Halloween, my little Dorothy and my too-cool-to-dress-up-ten-year-old-who-only-wore-a-mask! Presley sang, "I got candy" up and down the street!! She was much more into it this year than she was last year. That made it more fun!!

Triston started basketball practice two weeks ago and that has taken up our Saturdays. I like basketball as a sport for him. It is high energy and constant pace which works well for him. The only negative is that it is very up close and personal. If he were to have one of his moments of rage the closest person to him is in for it! Not a good recipe!!

As for me, I am trying to jump start my Scentsy business and each opportunity I find seems to fail soon thereafter. I am not discourage (to the point of giving up anyway) about it. I am just going to keep it up and hope for the best. God brought us to this and He will lead us through it. But here are some really cool products from Scentsy that I have come to love!!

The plug-in warmer...

The premium holiday warmer...



And, my favorite, the Scentsy buddy (you pick a scent and it goes inside the stuffed animal and makes it smell yummy)...

I'd Pick You

Dear precious chosen child,

When we become parents we dream of what our child will be like. We think about the color their eyes might be or the shape of their nose. We talk about our goals for that child and give our all for everything they want.

Most parents don't get to hand pick what their child will be like though. Sure, we can dream. But it isn't really up to us! Not for me, my dear.

I have this child and I picked him! I would pick him again ten times over!!

That child is you.

There is an unconditional love that parents have for their children. I love you like that. There is a joy and pride that comes with parenting a child. I have that joy for you. I overflow with pride for you, my son.

You aren't just my son. You are more special than that even. I pray you know that every day!

You have no idea the amount of prayer that has gone up for you. God created you very special and I get to watch Him work through you!

I could not be more thankful that God placed you in my life and me in yours. He sure knew what He was doing. Because if I had the chance to hand pick a son, I'd pick you!!

I love you and am so very proud of the decision you made today.

Love,

Beth (the second mom God gave you!)

Sunday October 23, 2011 Triston accepted Christ at Northridge Church/The Backyard Kids with Pastor Gary Smith!!

Thursday Funk

I am struggling tonight. I have a heavy-burdened heart and I don't know how to change that. Some things on my mind:

I have lots of friends hurting. Lots of unknowns in many people's lives. Broken hearts after years of happiness. Broken feelings after months of joy. Just plain ole' brokenness. I pray for each of these situations and I am thankful that my God is big enough to handle them all.

I got some bad news this week that will effect my income in the coming months. It's not a big deal but the little things matter too.

I am very short on patience what with it being the first week of Daniel's school and our new schedule. He is gone, a lot. I am here alone, a lot. I am so proud of him for doing this and he is my hero. But I feel outnumbered and overwhelmed at home.

Every time I say that I a in a funk (kind of like I want to say right now) I have/had? a friend who would say, "well, I am funky!!" That always made me feel better to hear her say that. What I would give right now...

Well, anyway, I just wanted to get my feelings out there. However, I have dirty kiddos and dishes to deal with right now.

The Mountain Moved

I had a rare occurrence today. I sat in church service by myself. That doesn't happen much but it is amazing where you mind goes when you have no one to talk to or distract you or entertain you. So, during praise and worship I began praying for God to just pour His love into me and speak His words on my heart. Well, wouldn't you know, He did! Our praise team sang the song Might to Save by Laura Story. It is a very powerful song. But the part that got me was when it says, "He can move the mountains". And in that one phrase God told me He moved mountains in my life. I have no doubt in my mind that He will continue to do so.

I met my husband nine years ago. I had just graduated high school and was starting my first semester at college. My parents were, quite honestly, less than thrilled about my courtship with Daniel. He had a history. He had a troubled past and it was not over when we met. He was living it. Therefore I was living it. I knew in my heart of hearts that the man I met had changes coming and the life he led was not the life he was destined for. We made it through, literally, hell in the first few years. And sure enough I started seeing changes in him that I had prayed about for a very long time.

One thing has always bothered my husband even through all the growth God has brought to him. See, he never graduated high school and never attended college. He did receive his GED in 2005 but has done nothing further. God has always blessed us with jobs and provision for our family. But Daniel's heart was never settled in those jobs. They were clearly "just jobs". Recently we felt a stirring that we couldn't deny. God was at work. Daniel and I started discussing options for his future. School came up but was dismissed due to lack of funds and time. But during a simple haircut at our local barber shop Daniel got the word!

A friend that is his barber planted the seed and it blossomed. We began to research local barber schools and felt as if we were striking out. One day I was at a store that I don't normally shop and heard a rare commercial for a barber shop in the area. It was as if God was doing the commercial, loud and very clear. I told Daniel about it and we both sort of wrote it off. As we continued to talk about this the question of work came up. What would he do part time to supplement the income? I mentioned a friend that has some connections with a shop that he might could do part time work at. That very night I mentioned that friend he called Daniel. Hello! Does God need to smack us again? However that particular lead did not pan out. But what God had in store was even better...isn't it always!! So, we continued going through the doors that were opened. We toured a school, applied for funding, and we said, "if God funds us then it's for real". Well, He funded us...and then some!!!!

I think it is for real, ya'll. Come this Tuesday my husband will be attending school to receive his master barber certificate. Girls, that means he can wax my eyebrows and give me a mani and pedi!! He will be able to do it all! I will be spoiled, that's for sure!

So, did God move mountains or what? I am so excited for this venture. It will be an adjustment with different work times and all but God is giving Daniel something he has never had, a purpose in his work life.

Have You Tried It?

When my family was in town for my uncle's funeral my cousin worked her magic on me! Her family lives in Texas and I do not get to see them enough. We try to make up for lost time but it is nearly impossible. While she was here in July she sold me on one of the items she sells, Scentsy.

OMG! Have you tried these yet? I am in love! I am a smell good kind of girl anyway. I love to walk into a house and it smell good. Most of the time I don't get that feeling in my own house. Well, she sent me a Scentsy warmer and some scents and I have not turned this thing off for longer than one night. I am tellin' ya I just love it!

The way it works is a bulb warms the scented wax so, it is safe to leave on all day long. The warmer I have is a rust color with a flower on it. It fits in with my living room decor so well! The scents I got are amazing. One is called camu, camu and even my 10-year-old son compliments it!! Another one I have is called sugar and it just makes me want to bake!! Not a good thing for my diet but it is what it is! I did get another scent and I will say I don't love it as much but that is to be expected I suppose. It is cranberry mango and to me it leaves a peculiar after-scent that I just don't like. But I am sure some love it!

Well, needless to say, I have been swayed and I am now selling Scentsy. I don't think I have time for this but I love this product so much that I can't not do it!! I just want to share the good smells with everyone!!!

Cake, Ice Cream, and a Fat Belly

A few thoughts on being an adult and having a birthday:

*It does not mean you get the day off!
*You cannot eat all the junk you used to and not see the effects of it.
*You get necessaties as gifts, like underwear!
*If you want a cake, you will likely have to bake it yourself.
*Adult birthdays are more about food and less about presents.
*No gift is better than your kids "happy birgday" wishes!
*People still care that you were born!
*Your Facebook wall will blow up for 24 hours.
*When it's over you crash in bed before 9:00 only to wake up another year older, and feel it too!

Be Warned!

I am going to be honest before reading this post you should be warned! It will be negative, uncalled for, disgraceful, and lacking compassion. If you don't mind that, read on. If you think you might not like it or you might be offended, you know where the door is!

It is Wednesday and for me that means stress and chaos for several reasons. The first of which being that it is the third day of the work week. That would be the third day that I have had to snooze the alarm three too many times only to eventually force myself awake at least two hours prior to when I really want to be. It is the third day that I have had to get three people other than myself to different places all by 8:00. Three days of work until 5:00. Then scooping up two kids from different places. Now, on Wednesdays it means running home, possibly changing clothes, and possibly eating dinner, running out the door within 30 minutes of being home to get to church. Once we are at church I drop one child off downstairs (most of the time she is screaming my name) and I go try to restrain and wrangle 50 "big" kids for an hour and a half of worship and Bible study. Yes, I am a crazy person. Then at 8:00 I beg for parents to take their rambunctious kids only so I can go home with mine. I put all my effort into getting Presley in bed ASAP and Triston bathed and fed (again) so I can C.R.A.S.H!!!

FYI: Here comes the offensive part. Tonight, I did all of this while my darling husband A). laid on the bed looking at the laptop, no doubt something to do with fantasy football and B). moving then to the couch to play some stupid game on his *insert bad word of choice* Ipod!!! My feet are throbbing, my nerves are beyond shot and he is doing what???? Nothing!!!!

Now, I know none of your husbands (or any of you that are husbands) do that, ever. I know I am the only lucky one that gets to live with this!

Those that know me personally know that I am headstrong and feisty in most situations. But this one is one that I tiptoe around. I say nothing, I bite my tongue and I blog!? Call it therapy but I would rather sit here and take all of my frustrations out on this keyboard than to even think about mentioning this problem to him. Pick my battles? I guess. I try to be level-headed and think he is tired from work and needs to relax. But, so do I! Wait, did I mention there are clothes to be folded, put away, and more to go into the washer and dryer? And more than likely, that husband that is in there on the couch playing said Ipod and watching junk TV will be looking for some of those clothes tomorrow morning.

Did I tell you tomorrow is my anniversary??? What are we *read, I* doing, you ask? Laundry! Dishes! Cooking! Cleaning! Chasing a two-year-old and helping a ten-year-old with homework! And that is that. Good night!!!

It's Easy

You have heard these sayings:

As easy as pie.

Easy like Sunday morning.

As easy as taking candy from a baby.

It's a piece of cake.

My favorite...So easy a caveman can do it.

That last one is from the clever Geico commercials. I was thinking about that saying on the way home from work today. I remember when my nephew accepted Christ and was saved. My sister-in-law told me she wished we all had the simplistic outlook of Christianity that children do. It's just easy. You believe, you accept, you confess and it's done.

I agree with her to a degree. I agree that as adults we make too much fuss about it. We are to judgemental of ourselves. We try to fix our problems before accepting His love. This could not be more skewed. God doesn't expect us to fix anything on our own. He doesn't even want us to try. No, He wants us to lean on Him for change.

We are in the process (and have been for several years) of explaining the plan of salvation to our son. You have to know that my ten year old is very literal. So, when we tell him all he has to do is believe it is hard for him to wrap his thoughts around. When we tell him all he has to do is pray and ask Jesus to live in his heart he really gets bent out of shape. "Jesus can't live in your heart."

You see, he makes it too difficult. It's easy...so easy a caveman can do it! All we have to do is believe. Believe that He sent His son to die because we are not and will not ever (on this earth) be perfect. He knew we needed saving so He provided that for us. And where would we be if He hadn't.

"so also Christ died once for all the time as a sacrifice to take away the sins of many people. He will come again, not to deal with our sins, but to bring salvation to all who are eagerly waiting for him". Hebrews 9:28

Wordless Wednesday

Just a Smile

I am the mother of a little girl who has been through an abundance of "stuff" in her short two years. She was born with two holes in her heart. She would burn her calories from her formula faster than consuming them. In her first six months she only gained four small pounds. And it was at that time that she went under the knife for open heart surgery. My darling six month old had no idea what was going on but her momma sure did.

I remember sitting in her room in ICU watching her. She was just pitiful. She was swollen from retaining fluids. She was scratched up and bloody. She was covered in wires and cords. Her surgery was on a Wednesday. For the first few days afterwards she laid in the bed and I sat by her side. She moved very little and ate next to nothing. She was taking baby steps to recovery. As her mother, I was hurting for her. I was helpless in what I could do for her. So I just stayed with her.

It is forever imprinted in my mind the day (Saturday after surgery to be exact) that I saw her smile for the first time again. It happened to be the same day I got to hold her again too. I waited so many hours to see that smile and there it was. Bright as ever!

I wonder, does God get tired of seeing our sad face? Our hurt face? Our ungrateful and pitiful looks? I know He tells us to be joyful. I know He wants that for us. But I also know that, as I did with my daughter, He doesn't leave our sides until He sees that smile on our face again. He tells us to consider trials as joy. And we think how much worse can these trials get. But He stays with us until the joy returns. He stays with us until He sees us through it.

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. James 1:2

God, my Father, and my Dad

The book I am reading now has a great question section at the end of each chapter. I love it! It forces me to think about the things that I am reading. One of the questions was something to the affect of: How do you relate your God-given father with the Heavenly Father? What is your first memory of your father that you tend to coincide with God the Father?

I am the worst with childhood memories. I remember very little in that aspect of my life. My brother, however, remembers every little detail of everything that has happened. Good thing he teaches history!! Anyway, this morning in church I had a rare remembrance of my childhood and it involved my dad so I was able to make a great illustration and answer one of those questions.

When I was about eight years old we moved to a new house. We built the house on five acres of land so that we could fulfill a dream of my dad's, to have horses. So, we did just that. We got the back few acres fenced in and built a barn and got two horses. One was a pony (that was mine), Blackie. The other's name was Midnight.

Every so often the horses would find a way to break out of the fence or gate and roam the street. I can only imagine they went on great adventures while out and about. However, once we realized they were out my dad would always grab the reins and go out looking for them to bring them back home. I remember him walking through the neighborhood to find them. Reins in hand and on a mission to bring them back to the place they belong. He diligently walked the roads and neighboring yards until the mission was complete. That part is vivid to me because my dad never walks very fast. He always has a slow, moderate pace. Unless he was looking for the horses. Then he walked with a purpose.

So, I started thinking...how many times do we lose our way? And what does our Father do when we get lost on the path that we create? He makes it His mission to bring us home. When we get off track He just grabs the gear He needs to bring us back so He can take care of us, until we do it again the next time. He just does this over and over again. In my mind, He is purposeful in doing this (just like my dad was). He loves us that much!

My God, just like my dad, will help us get back where He wants us. When we create messes for our lives He cleans them up and welcomes us back in His loving arms. I am so glad that God helped me answer this question. I am also very thankful that the memory I have of my dad relates to my God in a positive way.

I will search for my lost ones who strayed away, and I will bring them safely home again. Ezekiel 34:16 (NLT)