Tuesday, April 27, 2010

In My Opinion

These are the cutest kids ever!!!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Results

It wasn't exactly the way I expected it. As a matter of fact, I don't think I had even thought about how it would happen.

My phone rang yesterday and I didn't recognize the phone number. I answered it anyway, which is a rarity. It was my doctor's nurse explaining that they had received the results from the tissue that was tested after the d & c. She requested that I be seen in the office, and pretty urgently. I was freaking out! I cannot even tell the bad news I thought I was going to hear...anything and everything came to mind.

My doctor was a little nonchalant when explaining things to me. That doesn't go over well with me. I want her to be sincere and thorough but that is another story for another time. Anyway, Trisomy 16. What's that you say, you don't know what that is. Well, let me tell you.

It is, obviously, a third copy of the 16th chromosome. There are two kinds of T16, full and mosaic (meaning it only affects certain areas, ie skin, lungs, heart). When the diagnosis is full T16 there is no compatibility of life. The pregnancy will ultimately end in miscarriage. Hence my miscarriage. But get this. Sometimes there is the mosaic T16. And because that kind only affect individual areas (basically what happens is the cells correct themselves early in the pregnancy) the fetus will recover and, in most cases, become a healthy baby and flourish.

So, what am I getting at? As I researched I learned that 16% of babies with mosaic T16 have Ventricular Septal Defect and 10% have an Atrial Septal Defect. Well, this sweet face...

had both. Coincidence? I think not.
All these answers and still, sadness. I still lost a baby girl, another sweet girl. Nothing like the gut wrenching sound of hearing what gender your baby would have been. Then there is the question of the next baby that the O'Neil's try for. Will we try? Will the next one end the same way? Is it me? Is it Daniel? Is it the combination? Will God provide another miracle for our family? Only He knows and I trust Him with that information! We will have genetic testing done before trying to conceive again to find out the possible odds of the genetic disorder recurring. Prayers are welcome and, as usual, needed!

Monday, April 12, 2010

"Fires don't start fires. People start fires"

It went a little something like this...

Daniel and Triston were outside cleaning out the flower bed. It was full of leaves and weeds and the like.

They created a pile of leaves to burn then dump in the back yard.

After burning the leaves, they wet the leaves down and loaded them up in a large tub.

They proceeded to dump the once burning leaves in the back yard by the woods.

30 minutes to an hour later...

My front yard looked like this...
And my back yard looked like this...
(I didn't think fast enough to get the pictures while the fire was still burning...I guess my mind was elsewhere!!)

It's all good, now. But for a few minutes, there, I thought we were going to burn down the whole subdivision!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Hours of Darkness

It is like I see the world around me crashing
I can feel the pressure starting to build
There is no one to help me
No one to run to

Gloom and misery are all around
I feel my heart fill with hate and bitterness
I wish it would fade away but it won't
It burrows a path in my being and intends to stay

When will the darkness subside
Will joy ever reside in my heart again
I wish I could close my eyes and it would all disappear
But each passing day only brings more struggles

The "what ifs" and "how comes" haunt my every hour
Only to leave me feeling suffocated and alone
It seems nothing will ever be the same
It seems nothing will ever be good

Monday, April 5, 2010

Spring Fever

These pictures just scream, "It's Spring!!"