Sunday, August 30, 2009
Dreams are very vivid
Thoughts are so unclear
Time is standing still
Emotions are never ending
Tears seem to be frozen
Love is surely overflowing
Questions are never ceasing
Peace is so abundant
Patience seem non-existant
Every thing is fading
But God is ever-so-present
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
There are times I find myself forgetting that surgery is so soon. I find myself thinking about plans for weekends to come and quickly return to the reality of life being put on hold for our precious baby girl.
I was so fascinated last night by Presley laughing at us. She is getting so big (not physically) so quick and time is going by so fast. It scares me in a way. I am frightened that surgery may slow her development down. What if she doesn't sit up until she is 8 months old because of this?? Why do I let my mind drift like that? Why can I not focus on the big picture, on the Creator of Life and the Rescuer of All? "Beth, God is in control" I try to convince myself that this will be easier than I think. That God is going to show me my true strength through this.
But still I find myself engulfed in sorrow and fearing for my baby's life. Is that realistic?? I suppose it is in a way..."there is chance that she may not survive". Those were the cold words the surgeon said three weeks ago. Tell me that sits well with you and I will tell you you have no heart! I drag in and out of each passing day just waiting on the inevitable. It will get here and I will feel however it is I am going to feel, ways I am sure I could not fathom at this point and ways that words will be unable to explain. I will pass my time with whatever it is that may help. I will assume my position by my baby's side and not leave unless nature calls!!
So, what can I tell you to expect from me in the next two weeks....
Lots and lots of pictures of my baby.
Lots and lots of emotions spilled out onto a blank page that you may or may not understand.
Lots and lots of prayers, yes, my own personal prayers will seep out into blog world.
My intention is to have someone update my blog on surgery day. I am not sure I would very comprehensible for those 5 hours.
Get ready, get set...let the countdown begin.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
God listened to our cries each night for that companionship and he answered us months later. We knew the way to begin this journey was to just go out on a ledge and get involved. It was a hard step to take but we did and we could have been more blessed. God has placed friends in our lives that have brought us through so much and who continue to brighten our every day.
I remember the first time we went to what is now Kasey and Brock's small group. At the time, it was a joint small group with The King's (the originals!). And I sheepishly admit that we were quite uncomfortable. That was no one's fault but our own but a fact nonetheless. The small group soon split off and we became the "parents of young children small group". I think our child was one of the oldest but we were one of the youngest families there. The bonds that have been built over the last year have filled a huge void in my life.
These girls (and their mates!) continue to bless my life. They leave me asking God what I did to deserve their grace and love. With surgery on the horizon I need these girls more than anything right now. And they have so answered that call. I am one who thinks that no one should go out of their way for lil' ol' me. But these thoughtful girls have gone above and beyond. This is the latest...
I want all of these ladies to know how very thankful I am to have them in my life. How their prayers and kind words are with me at all times. And how if I did not have these relationships I would not be where I am today. I lean on each of you so much and could not make it through this venture without you.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Maybe I should begin by explaining that yesterday I had to leave work on short notice and take Presley to get her 6 month immunizations. She could not get them on the scheduled date of the 31st due to it being to close to surgery. So, after that lovely event I was on my way to get Triston and got pulled over for speeding. I could not be too upset as I knew I was speeding and I had the nicest police officer give me the nicest ticket ever! But I still got a ticket.
So, fast forward...
Today I was on my way to work and low and behold another police officer and yes, another speeding ticket. Much to my surprise, he was just as nice as the previous officer. I really liked them, besides the little pink ticket they left me with. I know, SLOW DOWN!
I trek a little further, and much slower, down the road and the phone calls began. First, my sitter. Then, the school. And they proceeded in this order until around 11:00.
I will do my best to explain. As I mentioned in several other posts, Presley will be having a blood transfusion during her surgery. There is a program called direct donor where blood relatives or anyone really can give specifically for Presley. My sitter was calling to inform me of the information she got when she called the red cross to schedule her appointment. It is really a long story and a very complicated situation. To keep it short, I had to call the red cross before any of Presley's donors could schedule their appointment. I called them about 9:00. I heard from them about 12:30. Yeah, nothing like a timely response.
But that is not even what started the day off so wonderfully. As I said, the school was calling me as well. We have started a new regiment with Triston and his medicine where he takes half of a dose in the middle of the day. Well, if I had known that it was going to be such a hassle to get that done I am not sure I would have put forth the effort. Let me just say I talked to the school secretary twice, the school nurse twice, the after-school care twice, and Triston's doctor once. All for a silly pill. Give me a break. You will be glad to know it is taken care of. No worries (now anyway).
Back to the red cross. After waiting half the day I finally got the return call that everyone was so anxiously awaiting. I spoke with a woman whose name should have been, Mrs. Nopersonality Atall!! She asked me several questions and waited ever so impatiently for my answers. I learned that instead of having a plethora of donors I now only have 2 "definites". And I have a feeling that could change at any point. My sitter can't give because she will be out of town the week before surgery and she cannot give more than 7 days before surgery. My hubby can't give because, well you remember that tattoo!! Back to square one...trying to find donors with the right blood type.
I have a theory. God is keeping me on my toes until September 9th so that at that time I will be so thankful for a break in the action. Well, let's all hope so!!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
As the day gets closer the reality of surgery becomes more and more clear. It makes it hard to focus on everyday life when you have such a major event coming up. And I am not really sure the day is ever going to get here. The days just drag by ever so slowly. I look at Presley and know that she has no idea what she is about to endure. I know she is going to perservere through this. She is going to rebound like a champ. At this point, the hardest part it just waiting on 9-9-09.
However, I am thankful that God still finds way to show me He loves me and Daniel and Presley. He still finds ways to let me know that He is in control. And that without Him nothing would be possible. He created us and will place in us whatever we need. He will hold our hearts!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
This is what our Football Season 2009 looks like:
Tuesdays are WHMS football. My brother is an assistant coach for these guys so I have an extra connection! As a matter of fact they already have a win in the books. They beat Portland (east) Tuesday 26-0!!
Thursdays are college games on TV! Usually no one that we really care about but hey, we wait all year for this time and we are not going to let it go to waste!!
Fridays are my fave (or at least a tie for my fave). We are underneath the Friday Night Lights on these nights. It is somewhat special in that Daniel and I both were member of our high school's team. He was several years before me as a kicker. A heck of a kicker if I might add!! And I followed a few years later as one of the team managers! I still get chills watching the Big Blue run out on the field on Friday nights. I just know this year is going to be another great year for our guys!
Saturdays are the MAIN EVENT!! Our Saturdays are filled, literally filled, with all the football one could watch in a day. We wake up to the SEC games on the local channel. Then we watch the prime (midday) game, then it's the prime (evening) game! We cookout and eat snacks and open the windows and veg out to the roar of the crowd and the sound of helmets crashing!
Now, one Saturday this year we will be in the Sea of Orange about 3 hours east of here! We are going to the very first UT game under Coach Lane Kiffin! We are oh so excited about it. And it's only 2 and a half weeks away! It could not get here any faster if you ask me.
Sundays are always the Pros. We usually only get into watching our beloved Titans. But always like to see a good match up. We think this is our year for the super bowl!!
I love me some football and it is almost here!!!
Thank God for paid-time-off!
Boy, is it apparent when your "team" is down a man. I went to leave for work this morning and the dishes were piled up in the sink and the trash was overflowing and the towels needed to be put away. All that added to the never-ending mountain of paperwork on my desk that I knew was waiting for me at work today. Wow! Being sick is really the pits. But Momma's back now!! And there will be some major power cleaning done tonight.
Luckily, I am the only one, as of yet, that has been doomed sickly! I just pray everyone else stays healthy!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
When we arrived in the waiting area I grew very nervous. I tried my hardest not to show it though. Presley was getting sleepy. So, I swept her away from her daddy (who was more interested in his frappuccino) and rocked her. It didn't take long for my baby girl to crash on my shoulder. We sat a few moments longer until a very bubbly middle-aged lady said it...Presley. With a big smile on her face she embraced us and began the ever-so-familiar ooh's and ahh's! Yes, we know she is adorable...now is this over yet?! Cynicism not appreciated, I know.
So, we proceeded to follow said nurse to her office. In all honesty, I am very glad she was so friendly. She really did make it easier on me to be going through all of this. She took Presley's blood pressure and oxygen levels then she weighed her. Now, my lil' sweetie has not been weighed in three weeks and at that time she weighed 10 lbs and 3 oz. So, Monday she weighed (yep, you guessed it) 10 lbs and 3 oz. She has not budged an ounce in three weeks. CONFIRMATION!!
Then she seated us and we continued to wait for the surgeon to come talk with us. Dr. Christian entered shortly thereafter. She was a petite lady with flashy red reading glasses. She was very direct. Hi my name is and this is why we are here and this is what will happen and these are the risks and have a good day. Not what this mom wanted at all! This mom wanted to be coddled. Yes, that is right, I wanted her to hold my hand and tell me it's gonna be okay. I wanted her to interact with my baby girl and tell her it's gonna be okay.
Some of the new things that I learned:
1. Surgery will last 4-5 hours
2. Her in incision will be horizontal under her breast bone
3. There is an open policy in PCICU for me to stay with her as much as I would like or physically can
4. She will be in PCICU for 2 days and in the hospital 4-7 days (this was the best news we got all day)
5. She may have something wrong with her valve as well (I didn't get much info on this even though I asked about it)
6. She will need a blood transfusion and we can give blood if we are compatible
With this appointment behind us, let the stress begin. I feel more stressed and distraught now than I did before. I figure this feeling will stay with me until the day of surgery at which point I will LOSE it! I am not so good at asking "you" to pray for me or my family but I suppose the time has come. Please remember us. The big day is 9-9-09.
Friday, August 7, 2009
First, let me say this.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Okay, I feel better now.
Let's begin. Yesterday I sent out an email to my family that simply asked for suggestions. I know that the appointment Monday is a time for us to ask questions and generally discuss the procedure. So, I need suggestions on what to ask. My brain is in total deep-fried mode and I have no clue what to ask. Maybe I should ask the surgeon what to ask!
Oh, insurance! I don't think I want to know how much of this my insurance is going to cover. Maybe it is a good thing we will be in the hospital for so long because we may not have a house after paying the hospital bills! You think they will let us shack up on the surgery recovery hall?
I am not expecting Presley to wow the docs with her big 3 ounce weight gain over the past few weeks!! I must admit I have not been to weigh her in 2 weeks so I do not for sure her weight as of today. I do know that it is nothing to write home about.
So, I sit here visualizing (aw, memories!!) Daniel and I pulling into the parking garage, unloading all the necessities for my baby girl, trekking across the sky bridge, piling into the elevator and watching as the 5 lights up, waiting patiently and listening intently for Presley, walking down the hallway, smiling at all the ooh's and ahh's for P head and well....that is about as far as my daydream goes. To put it simply I just don't know what to expect. Maybe that is the hardest part of this appointment. All the previous appointments have been routine. I knew each time what the next step would be, minus a few surprise chest x-rays and lab tests. This time is just different. What will happen after we walk in that room? What will the tone of the appointment be? Will this appointment leave me with any peace? I guess we will just have to wait and see.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
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