Hole Hearted

"Hole Hearted"
Life's ambition occupies my time
Priorities confuse the mind
Happiness one step behind
This inner peace I've yet to find

Rivers flow into the sea
Yet even the sea is not so full of me
If I'm not blind why can't I see
That a circle can't fit
Where a square should be

There's a hole in my heart
That can only be filled by you
And this hole in my heart
Can't be filled with the things I do
Hole hearted
Hole hearted

This heart of stone is where I hide
These feet of clay kept warm inside
Day by day less satisfied
Not fade away before I die

Rivers flow into the sea
Yet even the sea is not so full of me
If I'm not blind why can't I see
That a circle can't fit
Where a square should be

There's a hole in my heart
That can only be filled by you
And this hole in my heart
Can't be filled with the things I do
There's a hole in my heart
That can only be filled by you
And this hole in my heart
Can't be filled with the things I do

Hole hearted
Hole hearted
Hole hearted
Hole hearted

I don't bring these lyrics up in gest. I truly thing of this song every time I take Presley to the cardiologist. I feel Presley will feel a connection to this song one day. I am sure I will have to introduce it to her since it is not played too often these days!! Her hole truly can't be filled. I can't fill it, you can't fill it, no one person can fill her hole. God can!! And God will one way or another He will. I find myself praying more for the doctors than I do Presley at this point. They make a lot of decisions that affect our lives and if God is not leading those decisions then we are at a bad place. So, my prayer is that God is ministering to those doctors and focusing on their decision-making more so than he is mending Presley's heart.

When I read these lyrics I did not remember most of the words. The chorus is the main thing that sticks on in my mind. I mean, it is pretty repetitive! But looking at the verses of the song I can relate the words to Presley in the following ways:

-Our ambition for her life has changed drastically since finding out about her condition.
I guess at first we thought what sport will she play, what sport will she prosper at, who will she take after in height and weight, so on and so forth. Now, it is more like, if she plays sports will she be hindered, will this handicap her, will she prosper in any sport, will she ever get past eight pounds. My ambition for her has gone from what will she do to will she be able to do anything.

-I have a clouded thought pattern of the whole surgery thing. I am so confused and the bad thing is that I don't even get to choose! I do not wish for my daughter to live her life with a hole in her heart. Neither, do I wish for my daughter to have open heart surgery. I have no idea what my priority is and the fact that is doesn't really matter what my priority is is quite humbling.

-My inner peace comes and goes but mainly goes!

-When I read the part about rivers flowing I get a visual of the blood flowing from the left side of her heart to the right side of her heart. That is not a fun visual to have.

-Thinking about a circle fitting where a square should be puts me in my place. Presley is unique. She is not round or square or triangular. She will not fit in anyones box. She is God's unique design. He made her and He made her this way for a reason. My job is to not try to make her something she is not. My job is to know what she is and make sure she knows what she is and thrive on that!

-This hole will not be filled by anyone expect our Maker and Creator and He made and created her and He will make her whole again!