Sunday, December 4, 2011

How Much Hope Does One Girl Need

My church had a women's event tonight. I love this time with my girls. I will admit it has been a challenge to change churches and find our place. But I have formed some friendships that I can already tell are lifelong. So, to get to spend time with some of them bonding, crying and laughing only strengthens that relationship.

Tonight our pastor's wife spoke on HOPE. I think in general people hear this word and don't put much thought into it. You hear things like, "I hope you have a good day", "I hope my daughter sleeps in tomorrow", "I hope the Vols don't suck so bad next year", etc. How often do we say it in passing everyday?

After the week I had last week hope is something I was lacking to say the least. My husband is in full force school and work mode. We are in holiday hectic-ness and things could not have gotten any more crazy...or so I thought. Monday was calm. Tuesday started the madness. My husband called me about 2 minutes after I got to work. His tire had busted on the interstate on his way to school. He went to put the spare on and there was no jack. I left work and took him a jack but the lug nut wrench would not fit his wheel. So, we left the car and he took me back to work. Then he went on trying to get the tire changed. While doing so he re-injured his back. He does this about once a year and it means several days of him being flat on his back. He could not work for three days. The worst part of that is we are so tight on money that we did not have any for him to see a doctor just for them to say wait it out and here is some pain medicine. So, when Daniel went back to work on Friday without a doctor's excuse he could not work. This only means one less day's pay for the next paycheck. Things just kept creeping up on us making the week more and more stressful!

So, tonight while listening to the message she said something that had literally crossed my lips just two days ago. She said something like, I hate to hear people say I have no hope left and I should just be used to this by now. I promise you I said that to a co worker just Friday afternoon.

I feel like this is the life I have lived since Presley was born. It has been one unexpected trial after another. A longer maternity leave due to illness, a major surgery, two job losses, a miscarriage and now school and part-time work/pay. And hope has been scarce.

How shameful of me to have no hope in circumstances as these. How terribly sad that I have experienced some trials and travelled some bumpy roads and abandoned the one thing God gives me to hold on to. To sit and listen to her say that the very words I said were so hard for her to hear was life changing.

For me to think that the things I am living each day are exclusive to me and my family is so far from the truth. And for me to think that God will leave me with no hope is a lie from Satan. God spoke truth in me tonight. He has hope for me. He has hope for my situation and I will never let go of that.

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