He even loves them when their grown.
And He loves them when, even He, has to take them from us.
This is one of those times in life when I (surely I am not alone on this) do not necessarily feel His love. God knows how I feel so why should I hold back? He knows I have guilt. He knows I feel punished. He knows I am jealous and sad. He knows I am, maybe, relieved...but maybe not.
I sat in the OB office waiting and talking to God. I told Him, "this is your child. It has been from the get go. Do Your will and I will understand and I will trust you." HA! I think I was just trying to convince myself of these things. I don't know that I really meant them.
I am pretty sure all the blood rushed from my head to my feet and back up again when I saw the look on doc's face. "There is no heartbeat." It was cold. Or maybe it was hot. I don't remember. All I know is nothing can change her words.
The goal- do as I said. Trust Him. Love my babies that are here with me right now. And (try) to relax.
Heaven help me follow through.