Monday, March 29, 2010

What I've Learned

1). A miscarriage is a death. So many times in the past I have heard people, friends of mine, strangers, my mother-in-law even, say that they have miscarried. My thoughts of the incident were generally sorrowful but short. Let the record show that my reaction to the loss of a pregnancy has changed, dramatically.

2). The children I have, here in my house on this earth, trump all. Do you think it is ironic that our children are sometimes the only reason we feel like going on? Work with me here. We find out we will be blessed with a child. We are joyful. They arrive. We provide for them. We, essentially, keep them alive (feeding them, bathing them, etc). But are there not times that we feel like they keep us alive. "I had a bad day at work...I just want to go home and hold my baby." Does anybody get that? Moving on.

3). Constipation after surgery, of any sorts, is the pits. Just thought I would share!

4). I could not have done this without my bff's, i.e. ice cream, cakes, sweet tea, donuts, sweet cards, and hugs. I mean it when I say I have the best friends in the world, bar none!

5). When experiencing something as traumatic as loosing a child (unless you are family or the above mentioned bff's) I do not want to hear about your traumatic experience, that you don't really tell me about out of sincerity but only to make this about and not me. Just say, "Oh, I am sorry to hear about that." Don't say, "I know how you feel I have had 24 loses but you will get through it." I don't really care about your loss right now. I care about mine. Is that selfish? Well, sorry!

6). He may hide it pretty well, but my husband does have some compassion in his soul. Granted there are some rules you must abide by. For instance, he will hug you when you are sad but it will only last about 7 seconds. After that, he has something else he needs to get to! Or he will fix your dinner and your plate and clean up (most of it) but he will not fix your dessert, too! He really has amazed me that last few days with taking care of me. I am not sure that he has given himself time to grieve but he has certainly helped me.

7). The details of general anesthesia baffle me. How do I remember, so vividly, one moment and the next is nothingness? How do they know I will wake up (crying) in the recovery room? Is there a timer on my IV? I just don't get it but I like it!!

Okay, some of these are facetious and mean but some of them are genuine and real. I have truly learned so much through this. And, yes, I do still trust that my God has an enormous plan to make of it. He will show my in His time. Thank you for praying for me and my family during this time.


The Writer Chic said...

Since I'm the one who brought you donuts, I know I'm one of the exempt BFFs....but still....I hope that all my "expertise" that came with the donuts on Saturday translated with the compassion with which I intended. =/ There is just NOTHING easy or simple or routine about living through this. I love you.

Mom to 2 Angels said...

Anesthesia baffles me, too. I like it, though :)

The Blatchford Family said...

I came across your blog when Monica (the writer chic) asked for prayers for your little girl during her heart surgery. I have been following your family ever since (I hope you don't mind!).

I am so sorry that you are going through this loss. Miscarriages are devastating. Big hugs!