Friday, July 17, 2009

Surgery, after all

In the hospital for 7 to 14 days.................................................................

In Intensive Care Unit for 3 to 4 days...........................................................

On medication to control the PAIN...................................................................

The above statements continue to ring in my head as I try to wrap my thoughts around the fact that my precious 5-month-old baby girl will be under-going open heart surgery in the next month to correct her VSD. Here is the weird thing, I knew the news was coming. I was given fair warning at our last appointment. And when Dr. M called last night I had no idea why he was calling. The thought of the conference had not even entered my mind. The news I was about to receive did not cross my mind. Why didn't I try to mentally prepare myself? Maybe I couldn't.

But I sat, mouth opened, listening to him inform me that sugery was the next step. Then hearing each next step got harder and harder.

We will hear from the surgeon in the next two days. At that time we will schedule a pre-op appointment to get all the details that we DON'T want to know but must find out. At that time, we will see our sweet Dr. M and shortly thereafter schedule Presley's operation. (Operation is supposed to be a fun game you play as a child...not an actual event!) Prepare yourselves, the next part is the hard part to swallow (refer to preface).

He goes on to inform me that after surgery she will be in the hospital anywhere from 7 to 14 days. The first 3 to 4 days she will be in Intensive Care. After that she will go to a room to begin a normal feeding routine and be on medication to control her pain.

PAIN? Wait a second. Why is she going to be in pain? This is supposed to fix her heart not make her hurt. Surgery=pain. I know this. I was not born yesterday. But my mind had not processed that specific bit of information yet. The dots had not connected in that aspect. But it has since become absolute reality.

I could hardly form words at that point. My silence spoke volumes when I called Daniel. He didn't want to believe it. "It is hard to swallow" were his words to me. Ha, you are not kidding about that. I know that each of you will have some feeling of sadness when you read about this. But let me promise you something (unless, of course, you have experienced the same) you will not know the amount of sadness and hurt you feel when you are informed something like this. But I do appreciate the empathy and support!

Not too long after informing all who were most interested in this news my sweet baby girl woke up from her nap. I went in to pick her up out of her bed and just paused for a moment. I held her a little tighter. I prayed for her an extra time. She looked at me and gave me that perfect smile. Presley has no idea of what she is about to endure. She does not know that her heart (and life) will soon be in the hands of skilled surgeons but overall in the hands of God. She does not know of the soreness she will have or the scar that will forever be portrayed on her tiny little chest. All she knows is that she is loved. That when she is hungry we feed her and when she is sleepy we rock her to sleep. She is so aware that we entertain her and enjoy her company as much as she enjoys ours! She knows that her Bubba loves her to death!

God must have big things planned for this little girl.

1 comment:

The Writer Chic said...

Beth, you are so brave. You ARE. I don't know your pain, and I'm selfishly glad for it. Sometimes I am thankful that God chose to take Duncan rather than ask me to suffer through watching him fight for his life in the NICU.

But as I told you earlier, we will be with you through this every step of the way. We love you, from our four to your four.